Occupation… renewed?

I’ve been a fanfic… fan, for several years now – some things that I’ve read and saved predating my introduction to the fanfiction world.  They were just that good (at least to me.)  Yes, I have written some. I’ve only ever posted one, and it was incomplete (still is, actually).

Author and reader! Especially reader – I think my record is finishing one almost 300k words long in less than three days (two and a half).  That was having just finished one the day before starting, and with two more for the weekend (this was a tuesday-thursday reading marathon).  It was a very satisfying week, since they all turned out well written, and sufficiently if not especially engaging.

But, it has come to my attention, as an undergrad art major, that I have nothing but time. Time which can be spent sleeping or… doing something.  Now, all that time is perfect for getting art done – but once it’s done, the rest of that daily chunk of free time has to be dealth with somehow.  True, I could sleep more – and I do love sleep, but I’m not enough of a narcoleptic to make that my past time.  So, fanfiction has come back to bite me in my derriere.

I have the above mentioned fic to hash out and actually finish, but besides that, boredeom breeds… odd things. Odd things which will become other pieces of amateur literature, posted in the public domain, free for all to read and critique. Sounds like I’m sending the experiments of a mad scientist out into the world as another, bigger experiment.

That would be a more accurate statement if I was that bizarre when it came to writing. But I like my literature to be of a decent standard at least – actually involving plots and some real wit beyond reasonable characterization.  Well, guess I can put all my people-watching to the test and see what I’ve learned taking the real-life psychology/sociology crash course.

Wish me luck!

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Simply Lovely

Three weeks, and so much has happened.  I cannot even being to say how much there was.

Boat Regatta
James
IB Exams
New Earring
…and several other things

All in all though, it’s been pleasant, and nothing short of memorable. Only one more IB exam left – Spanish.  I think we’ll all do okay though.  All the others were varying… disasters, with the notable exception of History, which was a very very pretty looking disaster when we were done with it.

This past week has been memorable for sure.  Taboo during class (senior classes in the last 3 weeks? what else would we do?) and Leading Ladies performed at school with a good friend in a leading role. P rom and graduation are right around the bend, and we’re all going crazy over last minute money scambles.  Gotta get tickets, gotta ensure whatever it is we need.  Last minute dates.  It’s all been very exciting, honestly.

What makes today stand out to me though was the sheer easy-breezy feeling to it.  No rush, no pressure, very simple.  And I was hit this afternoon with this sudden feeling of elation.  It’s an odd type of feeling to have, since it’s what would happen with those of us who were in love, and there are those moments where we’re just blissfully content to just bask in the love we know we have.  It’s that kind of simple yet complete elation.

Only, I’m not in love with anybody, nor anything even of the sort.  But I have no arguments to being so pleastly happy. It’s a nice way to spend an evening.  The only thing that really came out of it was a desire to share the feeling with someone – someone, as I said before, that I do not have.

Though, to be honest, I would have been fine to just randomly kiss somebody.  What kind of kiss?  Any kind to be honest, just as long as I could convey the same feeling I had.  SPREAD THE LOVE!  Isn’t that right?  It’s a unique mood to be in, one that’s sort of lovey-dovey, but only for the happy part.  I honestly don’t think anyone should miss out on it, even if only once in the lifetime, and only for a few moments.  It would be the best few moments of your life.

And simply because I had to write something, and the mood suited:

If only because it was too much trouble that day, she didn’t dress up.  Her face bare of rouge, her hair untouched, she was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

It was the way she smiled as she spoiled her nieces and nephews.  It was the way she lit up the house just by being there, even if she had bedhead and was still in sweats, fresh out of bed.  It was how she just couldn’t leave things be – because it shouldn’t have to just be. It was how she was such a klutz or made corny jokes.

It was how, at 5 in the morning sitting out on the porch with a mug of hot chocolate and watching the sky slowly turn lighter, she could look like an angel.

Because she was one, and she was with him.

~Five In the Morning

Not weather dyslexic (for once)

So the past week had some crazy shit weather, with it raining/storming today. Usually, I’m okay with that because I check before I go to sleep and again when I wake up. Every day. Now that – that hasn’t changed. I can still handle the chaos that is crazy Texas Weather.

What does bother me is why I nearly broke down 3 times this week; why I was my normal self and then suddenly hit with the urge to just cry. What bothers me is that I, Lamson the Tearless, was moved to tears.

Alright, so I’ll admit it. There was a fourth time, and I did break down. I guess my sentimentality went overboard this once. I mean, really, it was just a shell ring that only fit my left ring finger exactly. Oh, but it was so much more. For one, I chose it myself. another, it was the only one. then of course, there was the fact it was my only link – a very important one, mind you.

I don’t remember any other trip to Vietnam that didn’t have an ulterior motive to visiting the family.

I don’t remember any other trip where I had so much FUN.

I don’t remember any other trip where I actually DID something.

I dont’ have any reminders of any others anyway. Only this one, this one simple band of calcium carbonate with pretty colors. It was my only reminder, and so happily of my favorite trip.

But hey, maybe I’m dramatizing. All I know is I can still feel it shatter around my finger; I can still feel it laying in three pieces in my palm as I blurrily stared; I can still hear my mother wondering why I’m not helping her.

So yea, it happened, I cried, things were left broken. Then of course the next day there was Vietnam War video. Usually okay with those; I’ve seen, heard, and read more moving things. But it was different that day. Maybe because I finally realized that it really was my legacy; my parents’ legacy. That more than anything probably brought it too close to home. Two hits in less than 24 hours. That must be a record for me.

Oh, so I may seem emotional to the point of being unmanly. Does it look like I give a damn? Personally, I take it as a compliment that I’m considered so emotionally aware. Most guys aren’t – that’s why they’re stupid. But whatever; I handle things with constant catharsis.

Besides, I matched the weather for once.

Coup d’Etat? Hardly; too blind

I have come to realize that a lot of adventure/action films for kids have a theme of coup d’etat. Granted, the bad guy in charge is pretty bad, but lines are not so clear cut in life. It makes me wonder, since I live in the US – pro-democracy and anti-socialist among other dichotomies, whether or not revolution is encouraged or not. I suppose it is illustrated to mean that under oppression, we should stand up for ourselves; that when those in charge are failing, we step in and set things right.

I like to think of movies like Robots as having good family-movie value, but that idea of staging a coup for the betterment of all – it sounds like the Socialist Revolutions of the early 20th century. I understand the need for equality, I really do. I would love to have that system; Utopian and community-minded. But this nags at me, since I live in what is most definitely an anti-socialist country, and a fairly radical one when it comes to the blend of conservatives and liberals in the government house. It nags at me because this county was founded in a revolution, and has grown and stayed influential through constant internal revolution.

This is true. That is historical fact. But the point, ladies and gentlemen, is that history and ideology has slipped from the minds of the public in this country. People who don’t even understand something as simply yet profound as the national flag. Perhaps not in detail, but I do believe not understanding the point of the flag design is a great shame, to the country and the individual. WE take pride in ourselves, yet we don’t even know what we’re proud of.

It makes me wonder… the wealth of ideas and influences are everywhere, yet nothing but finger pointing – sometimes in the wrong way, I might add – has been done. Perhaps there is a reason why intellectuals seclude themselves.

Carpe… Noctem?

Who could seize the day under constraints like this? It’s almost like a tease; yes you can, but no you can’t. I don’t know how to spend money? Why, because any time I ask for money it’s for an expensive purchase? Um… well I don’t have the money, so what would I spend it on when I do get some? Don’t know how to spend money? Either way – mall trips or a single big purchase – it’s “a waste of money”, so why not the one that I know will be more worthwhile in the long run, hmm?

Stinginess, that’s what I shall call it. Don’t even try to say that’s it’s not about the money and about the necessity of spending. What is the point of having money that isn’t spent?! Gah, why is it that we work so fucking hard to make our paychecks? To let them sit in the bank until whenever? For a part, yes, but that’s always extra. I realize extra is variable, but the more extra, the more that is affordable.

This one thing – with no good excuse of any kind, purely just because – that I ask for, and it is denied? What The Bloody Fuck. All I asked for was a day, not even – an afternoon, only a couple hours max to just have fun as the model with a professional photographer. What for? For the memories of course! “None of your uncles or aunts would care if you asked them.” Whatever! A couple decades before my time, thankyouverymuch. Not to mention, they wouldn’t know what they had lost. I on the other hand have missed too many opportunities in my life to not seize at least this one.