Carpe… Noctem?

Who could seize the day under constraints like this? It’s almost like a tease; yes you can, but no you can’t. I don’t know how to spend money? Why, because any time I ask for money it’s for an expensive purchase? Um… well I don’t have the money, so what would I spend it on when I do get some? Don’t know how to spend money? Either way – mall trips or a single big purchase – it’s “a waste of money”, so why not the one that I know will be more worthwhile in the long run, hmm?

Stinginess, that’s what I shall call it. Don’t even try to say that’s it’s not about the money and about the necessity of spending. What is the point of having money that isn’t spent?! Gah, why is it that we work so fucking hard to make our paychecks? To let them sit in the bank until whenever? For a part, yes, but that’s always extra. I realize extra is variable, but the more extra, the more that is affordable.

This one thing – with no good excuse of any kind, purely just because – that I ask for, and it is denied? What The Bloody Fuck. All I asked for was a day, not even – an afternoon, only a couple hours max to just have fun as the model with a professional photographer. What for? For the memories of course! “None of your uncles or aunts would care if you asked them.” Whatever! A couple decades before my time, thankyouverymuch. Not to mention, they wouldn’t know what they had lost. I on the other hand have missed too many opportunities in my life to not seize at least this one.

Bullshit

It was already bad enough that yesterday I’m not in a good mood. Not pissed or anything, just a little down on myself for not doing as well as I could have at competition.  But what am I greeted with when I get home? A madass dressing down becuase I’ve apparently run a red light. Oh yea, sure, it’s on record. Of course the video can’t lie; technology is infallible. Bullshit.

That day was sunny; the pictures/videos depict a cloudy day. I was not even near that intersection at that time; I was at Target or at the least on the way from target to my friend’s house – a good mile from the intersection at the closest along that route.  I thus have a witness in the car and two more at the house that can vouch for me. Lastly, the video seems oddly like something I’ve seen before – a repeat perhaps?

But that’s all fine, I just explain these and that makes sense. I mean, I think the accumulative evidence against the picture and video overweigh the fact that either was even taken. Ah, then I come out to the living room to explain, and dearest father of mine, the only one home and the one to dress me down so harshly while I’m already Not Happy, is asleep. Well he was falling asleep, and he tells me he’ll look at it later. I’m having a fucking emotional breakdown of sorts and am trying to solve one the most recent and serious of the causes. I do not have time for a delay damnit.

But that’s dealth with; ran to the friend’s house, chilled until late.  Now today, I remember that Daddy Dearest still had the camera from the trip that he took an extended stay on (while the rest of the family went home on time). That was a one month extension.  I come out to ask for it so I can get at the least my pictures and then get the camera back in my own possession. He looks at me, normal face as if nothing he’s about to say is wrong, like, “oh, okay – here,” will be the reply.  Then he tells me, with this plain face, the it’s broken. My camera. Broken.

I ask why, of course. Gotta know why. And here I’m ready to just snap. “It dropped. Broke the zoom lens thing,” he says. BULLSHIT. ughh. One. Simple. Thing. There is a loop for your wrist y’know, dad. It’s there to prevent things like this from happening. It’s the one external piece of a camera you’ve never utilized. It’s the mothafucking, dumbass reason why the camera, that you didn’t bother to fix because you’re cheap, is broken and gone. At least you saved the memory card, though after I get the pictures, I really dont’ see the use of that either.

This man had 2 close calls like that when I was still there. Once was at the beach, water waist high. That would’ve been completely unsalvageable. Sure, bring it out, just not under water and not close to breaking waves; that’s cool. Just use the damn loop so it doesn’t fall in. Nope, didn’t. I took it from him gently, politely, subtely, for myself.  Second time, we were climbing mountain steps. That would’ve been good as lost, never mind salvageable. Again, no loop. WHAT. THE. BLOODY. FUCK.

I at least, even when rock hopping, had it secure around my wrist, if not in my pocket. And what does that man do? He drops it while standing over rocks. Just regular rocks. No big ass mountain rocks, just plain old rocks along the road. That is FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE. I knew I should’ve just taken the camera bacck home with me, forget the potential picture opportunities I’d miss; I wasn’t there to take them and he doesn’t have the artistic eye anyway. And I spent a good 20 m inutes trying to fit that little string through that small ass hole so that I’d have a wrist loop.

But for what? I never dropped it, looped on my wrist or not. He hardly ever took pictures with it, though he wasn’t safe when he did; totally forgot the loop. The one fail safe for dropping that camera, and he doesn’t use it. Fuckin Unacceptable is what it is. Pissed doesn’t even come close.

Oh, did I mention my shitass car is being sold? Good luck; it’s pretty shitty. If it being replaced, sure, but this is a punishment. A stupid one too. How am I supposed to improve my driving if I don’t drive? Of course I’ll have slip ups; I’ve only been driving independent for a year – not even yet. And the reasoning for that shitty SUV is for these exact purposes; it can handle most slip ups. Currently though, I blame it for these “run redlights” – that SUV is hard handling when it comes to braking and acceleration, forget turning.

SO, dad, what’s going down when, hm? I’m capable of moving out of this damn house, I’ll room with the cuzz. She’s already at Uni, and I’m already heading there. This is just a bunch of Shit that is really unnecessary.